Friends, Friendship, Having Friends – What does it all really mean?
I think as I have got older, I have realised that having friends in my life is really important to me. Not like when I was younger and had ‘mates’ to hang out with or go out clubbing and drinking with, but real friends.
What does the word ‘friend’ mean to you?
To me, it is someone important in your life who you can talk to about almost anything without them judging you, but that you can rely on them to advise and guide you when you most need it. Friendship changes as you get older – when you are in a relationship, have children, and many other commitments that being an ‘adult’ is all about – you can’t catch up with friends as often, and arranging a date to meet may take much searching through diaries before a date can finally be pinned down – and that may be a month away.
Now, I have no problem with this at all – in fact, I perfectly understand and it makes it a lot easier for my friend(s) and I if we have something definite in the diary that we know we can both keep. A lot of my friends have children now, so it makes organising a catch-up a bit harder.
I recently lost a friendship (although looking back now I realise that it was anything but a friendship) because she felt that I should be available for her at a moments notice – because in her words “that is what being a friend is about” OK, so when your 15 or 16 and have all the time in the world to hang out together on a Saturday afternoon I can understand that, however being 36 and 32 respectively and her being married, me in the process of buying a house with my boyfriend of 2 years – I was just not able to be free for her at her beck and call.
At first, I felt really sad about losing this friendship – we had known each other for about 8 years, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that we never really had anything in common, and a lot of things were on her terms – such as when we would meet, me always going to her house. I have come to the place where I know the door is well and truly closed on this friendship, and you know what – I am ok with that.
I have many real friends – some I have known for a long time, some I have only known for a short while – but each of them understands that life is really busy and things can get in the way, and that if we don’t see each other for 3 or 4 months – nothing is wrong, and it just means that when we do see each other, its the perfect excuse for a long catch-up over a few glasses of prosecco!
Needless to say, my diary is full for the next few months, catching up with those real friends in my life.
The ex-friend in question doesn’t follow my Blog anymore, so I know she won’t read this post.
Have you had any friendship concerns in the past? Leave me a comment and let me know.